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Dating after a Breakup: Rebound

By Melanie on April 28th, 2011

Just because you have had a break up does not mean that you can never date again. You can still meet people, ask them out, and fall in love all over again; however, that is easier said than done. Irrespective of whether you broke up gracefully or after a long and bitter quarrel and irrespective of whether you broke off a short-term or a long-term relationship, you will still feel the pain, disillusionment, depression, and bitterness. If you are just out of a long-term relationship that meant a lot to you, the pain will be more intense. Getting back to the dating scenario under such circumstances is never easy, but that doesn’t mean it cannot be done. A lot of people who have broken up previous relationships have started dating again and found true love.

Don’t Force It

You can find true love again, but don’t force yourself to start dating again. Give yourself plenty of time to heal. You can mourn your lost relationship as long as you wish, but if you find yourself hurting even after 2 – 3 months, you must seek professional help. Once you have mourned for your lost relationship, get into active social life. Build a strong support group of friends, well-wishers, and family members and take their help to recover from the shock and pain of the break up. You can also join online support groups and connect without other people who are undergoing the same experiences.

Take Time to Recover

Spend a lot of time with same-sex friends, hang out at bars and shopping malls, go for long vacations, and in short, do anything and everything that makes you happy. Pay attention to all those hobbies, activities, and friends you neglected because of your previous relationship. Register at a fitness club and knock off those extra pounds or visit the beauty shop and get a new look. You will know that you have recovered when you no longer feel bitter or hurt when you think of your ex. During your recovery process, overcome the urge of getting in touch with your ex and force yourself to accept that the relationship is over.

When Have you Recovered?

If you can have a normal chat with your ex without bursting out or making a scene or begging to get back again, you have completely recovered and are ready to start dating again. Inform your trusted friends and coworkers that you would like to meet someone new. Alternatively, you can join a church group or a singles club or even an online dating site.

New Horizons

Hunting for potential partners at online dating sites is a great way to meet new singles. Most online dating services allow singles to post their profiles free of charge, and you need to pay only if you want to use the online dating site’s advanced feature. Some dating services also encourage users to take personality tests or compatibility tests, match singles according to the test results and profile information, and send the matches directly to users’ inbox. You can get in touch with the matches that interest you and reject the rest. While communicating with potential dates through emails and instant messages, take care not to complain about your ex or talk about your heartbreak. You will not only drive the right people away from you, but will also attract the wrong sort of people.

Too Much Too Fast

People dating after a break up usually tend to get emotionally involved with the next person who gets interested in them. One reason may be that they are trying to pick up where they left off with their previous partner. Relationships evolve, everyone is different. You have to let it grow naturally. You never know if the next person is really compatible with you or meant for you. Even if you arrange a date with one of your potential matches, do not bare your soul to him/her. By all means, give your date a wonderful time, but don’t appear too needy or desperate and never complain about your bad breaks. Continue your online dating activities at your own pace and have fun; one day, you might meet a person who will fill the empty space left behind by your ex.

Don’t Look Back, but Learn

The secret to dating successfully after a break up is to accept positively that the previous relationship is over and that it is now time to find another person. An optimistic person analyzes the break up carefully, identifies the factors responsible for it, and the role he/she played in it. He/she will then cherish the sweetest memories, learn the valuable lessons taught by the relationship, and vow not to make the same mistakes again. He/she will thus learn from the broken relationship and move on to the next relationship as a stronger person.

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